Family
To acknowledge Family Day week in Canada – Thru Ups and Downs – I have chosen the above photo to showcase a tiny glimpse of living what is termed “family”. Five people together on holiday.
The official definition of family is a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.
Yet, family can mean differing things to different people – sometimes it is blood related companions coming together under one roof (parents, siblings, children, as in the above definition).
Sometimes family could be blended companions coming together – perhaps a couple living together, with children that maybe adopted, and other children that could be from previous partnerships – a mix of people, still coming together, through a special bond and union, where day to day sharing happens under a specific type of stewardship, even if not all ‘blood-related’.
Friendships
In my opinion family can also include like minded companions coming together, like a ‘soul family’, as they too are bonded in a very special way, and yet none of them may share any parents etc.
And family can also be – two people previously together as intimate partners, now separated, but operating as friends that continue to co-parent. Friendships can thus be family.
Sharing Love
As I have been reflecting on the world family – I am questioning if this word “family” simply represents a deeper concept of sharing – the opportunity to express and share love with one another? And can that assertion, then stay pure in that way, or will it inevitably bring hidden expectations and some type of pressure with it too, within a family?
The idea of love flowing all of the time, is in my opinion impossible! In our experience this is a utopian aspiration, not achievable amongst human beings that are forever ‘growing’, learning, getting triggered, becoming healed, changing, reacting, responding, becoming, processing and more.
If we are growing we will also fall over at times too, usually because of our fears… this is mathematical of course – and thus love cannot flow ALL OF THE TIME!
Ups and Downs
We bumble along….through ever changing moments – some powerfully unifying and empowering moments, some devastating moments, some defining life-changing moments, some crucifyingly painful times, and some exhilarating highlights…but as with everything – each moment passes and changes…evaporates into thin air, and only the memory of the essence and learning remains.
Life-Changing
Today 21 Feb 2025, marked yet another one of those life-changing poignant days, for our family unit, where more leaps were made to face the unknown with greater individuality at play.
We are not perfect.
We are not always on the same page.
We often wear rose tinted glasses.
We can hold onto hope for too long.
We can be stubborn even if it bites us in the rear end.
We can procrastinate until we do not.
We can clip our wings by the weight of social, religious and personal ideals.
And most of all, we are not bound to the institutional constructs of society.
Freedom and Personal Responsibility
FREEDOM comes from full acceptance of all that is, the wonderful and the not so wonderful – and with that, learning to live on your own terms.
No-one owes us anything, even if people come together under the concept of family. In fact this idea of family can breed the idea of ‘you owe me’ and that alone, prevents so much flow, from happening.
Imposing our needs and expectations on one another causes clutter that then has to be dismantled.
We each are responsible for our welfare, individuals wearing differing body suits, differing beliefs and ideals, and differing aspirations. We each have only ourselves to stare at – as no-one is to blame for the choices we make, as no-one can live our life, and nor is meant to carry us through life.
We each must live ours individually. If we are blaming we have an expectation for something different. If we are complying, complaining, judging, people pleasing – again – all these things are occurring because of hidden ‘you owe me’s’
Growth in Self-Awareness
If we are willing to learn of course…. then all is good – and then nothing has ever been in vain. In fact growth in self awareness is the gift that comes from all conflict and triggered moments. As the saying goes, “no gain without pain”.
But if we keep repeating the same patterns, refusing to grow in self-awareness – then even that, we must accept – as the timing of evolution for each person has its’ own nuances. Perhaps it is not appropriate for them to change just yet… Sobeit.
Essentially no-one can be controlled. No-one can be cajoled into change. It is a self-motivated action. And that motivation arises often when a person has suffered enough – strangely and very sadly. When their own intelligence and internal focus shifts – the world inside and outside does the same too.
Perfection for sure, does not exist, for anyone. But opportunities to expand always exist. The question is whether those opportunities are grasped and seen.
Peace and Harmony in Family
Peace, relaxation and understanding of one another, takes time to harness. This is especially true since behind all lack of peace – ie conflict – lies fear that is running the show. All human beings have some degree of fear… whether it is fear to let someone down, the fear to make a mistake or the bigger fear to die – something is lurking in each of us, which adds to that icky feeling inside.
In order to find peace, and have no worries, the fear of survival, fear of the unknown and the fear to trust oneself and the universe, must be seen, and then overcome.
Fear manifestations
As fears are overcome, even though we can become more careful in our future discernments ~ there is never any point crying over spilled milk – as we will still continue making more so called ‘mistakes’, as we attempt to do the best we can, in each moment. The saying is – as we know better, we do better. This is a basic construct of life on this planet. So, it is only because we did not know better, that milk even spills!
The old is an illusion as it has already been lived, the new is not yet visible because it is unknowable hidden in the unknown and the present – we can only meet fearlessly, in surrender to what that moment brings, when our heart is truly open, and our mind is prepared to relinquish its’ fear based debilitating beliefs!
Conclusion
Enjoy our memory of the sunshine in this photo above, from Maui December 2024, on our last day there …. even though these days gone were also filled with inner tension and turmoil driven by fear; they at the same time show our experiences of unity and oneness sharing – our capacity to be in our hearts and be loving.
When we take responsibility for our welfare, individually, it is never as it seems to the mind, when seen from outside through the impressions that someone else can perceive from their own beliefs etc….It is always only what it is – in our hearts, and blessed are we, since our hearts fortunately love sharing and receiving love.
